| When i check the "spam" folder on my gmail, all of these adds for recipes and things involving food Spam come up, because google reads your email and then uses predictive advertising that deals directly with related words in the email. It is funny to me that the genius, google, who has created the most advanced advertising technique in the world can't even stop it from making a mistake on the words that they name the folder. I'm also frightened by the reality that i may being manipulated in so many ways i am unaware of. But mostly i just think the spam thing is funny.
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| for those of you who still read this: you get a special treat tonight. Lindsay Jo Tucker is now betrothed to me. here are some exciting photos to prove this. I'm a very happy man, and she is the most beautiful woman in the world. details later.
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| Alas time has come for another post. I just wanted to share some things going on (i've gotten so far from this use of xanga over time)because i'm feeling slightly disconnected. Intresting to point out that most of the people i feel not connected to won't read this nor will i really be at all expressing what to me feels like "being known" . So i'm calling myself on my very own b.s. reason for posting, but ohh well.
I've been reading "A Severe Mercy" (and it really is, comment my own) by Sheldon Vanauken that includes many references to, as well as letters from, C.S. Lewis. This has been momentous in that it is timely. I really needed an example of love so far from my reality to really begin some new mental dialouge in a time when alot of questions about the subject are buzzing through my head. It "seems" like everytime i'm having an extreme thought or doubt abouut love, God, beleifs, or wanting to commit my life to things;i pick up the book and it tells a beautiful story that seems directly relevant to my thoughts but neither gives me answers nor drives further into it. It just gets me to FEEL what i'm going through and that is huge right now. I'm not willing to call it perfect (this would imply God's will as well as my own perceived present benefit) for the time, but is close. I have been mostly silent partly because of time and also because i've been at war. Lots of war with self, with God, with demons, with the past, with relationships, and with life and its future for me. Under a war state my sharing becomes limited to selct people and even then needs expanding. So i will exegete this for you: i've been learning to feel, mostly within doubts about Self(both philosophically and not so much) and love whilst dealing with alot of my past and learning how to be a better person, mostly within realtionships of various kinds(there are many)all under the saftey of God's shadow and leading. So there is that.
I got so addicted to hiding things on here that i've forgotten what it feels like to spill the beans. I might blurr the lines on what is really important to share, but know that i'm seeing the faces of those i really know will read this and those whom i want to read this and it seems right.
I have a big map on my wall in my bedroom that i'm praying over(well at least that is the goal, it hasn't been followed as much as i hoped but i willl do more) that will help me discern what God might be saying about where to plant a church. There are presently many pins. it is a bit overwhelming loooking at a nation and picking a city, but it is a college map meaning that it shows all universities and colleges, which is a number one factor for me. So i am getting somewhere on that one, ever slowly. I don't wanto to be too systematic about the whole thing, granted i would love for God to just give me a city's name in a dream or something, but history tells me that's not the way God tells me stuff. Most likely because i have the hardest time with faith unless it comes miraculously, and God likes to mess up my conditions on his working. I'm sure many of you can relate to this frustrating yet endearing aspect of how God speaks to us. so there is also that.
I wil stop there as i feel i'm going long. I won't promise more, maybe i'm just in a mood. We'll (rolyal we) see what the result of me leaking this stuff is and then go from there.
go under the mercy. |
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| can't sleep
watched a rediculously odd movie. Those French, they have a gift for it. It almost seems unlikey to claim that i liked it from within, but yet i have to admit it. It was very well written and the music was really creative.
what am i doing?
i'm gone |
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